On Saturday I did my long run, it was my first ever 20 mile run and it was horrendous. It seriously knocked my confidence to the point that I nearly pulled out of doing the Manchester marathon.
Mile 1
The first mile was pretty good, my music was pumping and I was full of energy.
The ‘take a photo at the end of every mile’ thing didn’t last long. Soon I was at Cardiff Bay and mile 5.
Mile 5
It was a bit of a gloomy day but Cardiff Barrage was still a gorgeous place to run.
Spring time in Cardiff is made even more beautiful by the daffodils that pop up all over the place.
Running through Cardiff on a Wales rugby match day is a great experience. Everyone was so happy and I even got a few cheers to spur me on.
Mile 12-15
During miles 12 – 14 my run started to get harder, uncomfortable and I was really struggling. By mile 15 I was sat on a bench sobbing. My whole body ached and I was questioning what I was doing.
Why was I putting myself through this? Why did I think I could run a marathon? I scrolled through my phone trying to decide who to call to come and take me home. I cried some more. Then I cried until I couldn’t breathe.
My grief
This year has been the hardest of my life. A big part of me thinks I shouldn’t have carried on training for a marathon, I should’ve made the decision to postpone it until I was ready.
Losing my Dad knocked the wind out of me and I spend most of my time feeling sad and exhausted. Running was what I always turn to when life gets a bit tough. The last few weeks have been hell and training for a marathon has sucked the fun out of running for me.
The other part of me knows that Dad would want me to do it and to keep training. He sponsored me so I want to do it. I also want to do it for me, it was always going to feel like an amazing achievement to complete a marathon. To do it after what I’ve been through will make it so much more special.
I stopped crying and decided to carry on. I’d already run 15 miles so 5 more was do-able, I just had to try.
The last 5
These are a bit of a blur. All I remember is getting back to Roath Park and having 1/2 a mile to go. I ran lamp post to lamp post, I kept my head down and just slogged it out.
Finally my Garmin beeped that I had reach mile 20. I had done it. 20 miles in under 4 hours… just. I got in my car and I cried. The relief was overwhelming and I was really sad.
Finally home
